Everyone loves the Sleigh
by monkeymaiden14
Summary: Jack has a problem. That problem? North's continual harrassment of his boyfriend, Bunny, with his sleigh. The solution? Sex in North's sleigh, obviously. Fill for deamwidth prompt!


_**Fill for the below prompt from Dreamwidth, prompt round 3!**_

"_**Bunny and Jack are in an established relationship, and when Jack finds out that Bunny wasn't necessarily scared of flying in the sleigh because he has a great fear of heights/aviophobia (though maybe he does to a certain degree, ok so maybe a bit more than a little, you can shut up now Jack ok, YES OK YES HE HATES FLYING ASAJGDSAHG WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM HIM FOR MOON'S SAKE!) but mostly because North is a terrible driver. Or at least Bunny thinks so, and North knows Bunny thinks he's a terrible driver, so what does he automatically suggest? That they take the sleigh, well fuck you North, fuck you. So Jack, being the wonderful kind doting boyfriend/mate he is suggests revenge, the revenge? Having sex in North's baby, the sleigh. (Preferably while not moving because no Jack no and what if the kids see, NO). TL;DR Jack and Bunny are boyfriend's and Jack tries to soothe his temperamental lover's trauma with sleigh sex. It works pretty damn well.**_

BONUSES:

+ One (or more) of the other Guardians decide to use it for the same purpose, so they sneak their secret (or not so secret) lover(s) in and decide to have a little fun too.  
++ One of the Guardians has a HUGE crush on North and decides to wait for him naked/half-naked and draped in something pretty for him in the sleigh, but they get a little carried away and start without him, WHOOPS!  
++ The sex keeps happening and before long all the different couples have a rotation going, not that they KNOW this. (Or maybe they do! D)  
++ Possibly some non-Guardian spirits decide to partake of the sleigh sex/you and your hand private sessions?  
++ North finds out (eventually) about all the sleigh sex happening AND OH MY DEAR MAN IN MOON WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO HIS BABY, WHAT WHAT NOOOOOO! AND WHAT ARE THESE STAINS HE'LL NEVER GET THEM OUT AND WHY IS EVERYTHING SO _**STICKY**__** ESPECIALLY THE HAND RAILS AND THE SIDES AND IS THAT **__**CHOCOLATE?!**__** *sob sob* (He'll kill Bunny for this!)  
+++ North eventually gets to partake in the sleigh sex himself with his love interest, and all is well. (At least until he makes those bastards clean his damn sleigh!)**_

(And this will forever be known as that Kinky Sleigh Sex Prompt)"

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Jack had a dilemma. A dilemma known as Bunny's sleigh-phobia, and all in all Jack really couldn't blame him. For one used to having his feet firmly planted on the ground, not to mention a spirit who's powers were closely based to the earth, flying in general must not be too fun…at least, not fun for Bunny, and definitely not fun for him when his furry lover didn't get a bag in time to save Jack a coating of whatever their last meal was. Of course, barf or no, there was one person who enjoyed Bunny's terror a little too much.

And for once, no, it was NOT Pitch, who surprisingly shared Bunny's hatred of the sleigh.

No, the spirit who took much joy in tormenting his poor Kangaroo, was none other than jolly old Santa Clause; Nickolas St. North, the Guardian of Wonder, Jack's Father figure, and ass-kicking Cossack (NO Coca-Cola! North was not a fat, old ball of lard on laughing gas, thank you very much! Take a tour of his 'private collection' and you may just wish you never heard of Santa in the first place). Perhaps his dilemma wasn't Bunny, but North…

"Damn it Jack, focus." Huffed Jack, tapping his staff on an egg golem while Bunny rested up from a successful Easter. There had to be a solution. Just because North had gone into 'over-protective-Father' mode, did not mean Jack would just take it lying down. Oh no, one does NOT shit with a prankster or their boyfriend…mate…lover…whatever the Hell you wanted to call his Bunny, Father figure or not, and get away without a bruised, majorly deflated ego.

Now, the only problem was finding the perfect spot to strike? Nothing phased the old man but Pitch, and even then it didn't get too far under his skin. Jack had accidentally trashed the workshop, thankfully before February, so little damage was done, but no way would Jack attack now and risk ruining another holiday, even if the Easter incident of seven years ago was more Pitch than him. So, workshop looting and/or booby trapping was out. Maybe he could…no, the yetis weren't a part of this, and they'd have as much fun as Jack super gluing the elves to walls and out of the way as Jack. So, a minion civil war was definitely out. Jack wasn't sure North's wife was even an existing entity, though North DID have a wedding ring, though if it was a memento from his time as a human or current he hadn't a clue, so she was out as an accomplice. Nothing would hit hard enough. North was too good at taking Jack's antics in stride. But, seeing as most other options were suicide (Chainsaws. No. Just…just NO), how was he going to hit it home to North that he had to stop using Bunny's phobia of heights and flying as a constant harassment method. Then, maybe he'd stop having to grumble about claw marks in his panelling-

Jack stopped, eyes widening as a sinister grin slowly spread across his face.

The sleigh. North's pride and joy, his BABY. North and his sleigh was like Jack and his staff, Jamie and his hard earned new truck.

He couldn't vandalize the sleigh, no, he understood the connection too well. He stroked his staff lovingly, wondering what a reasonably safe course of action could be. He shook his head, getting an idea.

"Jamie." He said. "He's one Hell of an accomplice." Without a second thought Jack rocketed off into the sky, but not before sending an egglet with a note to the burrow, in case Bunny had another panic attack at his flighty, slightly nomadic ways. With a whoop, Jack shot across the sky to his favorite little town, to his favorite (not that he'd ever say it out loud) and very first believer. Jamie, now sixteen, was still a strong believer, and the first to know about Jack and Bunny, besides Sophie. To this day Jack didn't understand what shipping, feels, cries or an OTP was, but Jamie's shell shocked, mortified expression was enough of a confirmation that he didn't want to know. EVER. Of course, it helped that the guy was like a mortal Cupid with his romantic advice; the human love guru for spirits if you will. But, that was another can of worms and right now, he needed his long time partner in crime to help plan sweet, sweet revenge.

Jack peered into Jamie's window and frowned. The bed was made, with no sign of his teenage buddy. Then Jack smacked his head. Of course, he was probably out! It was about the right time for the movies to be letting out, and Jamie's parents were on a romantic get away, with Sophie on a trip to New York with her performing arts club. Jamie had the family car, on the condition he pick up the family from the air port, but if he was at a movie, why was said car in the drive way, and…why was the car rocking?

Jack landed next to the car, and thought he heard noises from the back seat. Confused, he tapped the roof of the car with his staff, and heard two squeaks from within. A hand wiped away the fog, revealing Jamie, topless, and his girlfriend Pippa (Another hard core believer), wearing nothing but jeans and a bra, both looking at him with shocked expressions and hard blushes.

"Oh." Said Jack dumbly. "Uh…" Suddenly a thought occurred to him. A dastardly, dirty, AMAZING thought. He saw both teens give him an odd look as he grinned, and he could have sworn he heard Jamie say 'oh shit'. Jack was just taking off when Jamie stumbled out of the car.

"Uh…this IS what it looks like, but what's with the 'I'm gonna go raise some Hell' look?!" Jack laughed, stopping to grin at his first believer and his girlfriend, who had pulled her shirt back on.

"YOU, my most awesome friend, have JUST given me an idea on how I can give North a taste of his own medicine, AND kick Bunny's flight issues to the curb!" he laughed.

"What?" Jamie processed the words. How could he and Pippa heavily making out in his parent's back seat have possibly-

"Oh Good Lord." He said, eyes widening. Jack wouldn't really…Oh shit he would. "JACK!" But Jack was already gone, cackling madly as he went back to the Burrow, plotting his and Bunny's revenge.

Cue operation Flying Bunny.

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"Okay, let me get this strait." Said Bunny, looking skeptically at Jack as the two snuck down to the sleigh's little storage garage. "North's being a bloody arse about us, so ya want to have a romp in his ruddy death trap? Ya got some roos loose in the top paddock Jacky."

"You forgot how I was going to cure your little sleigh phobia." Said Jack, pulling Aster into the garage. The sleigh, the soon to be scene of the crime, sat innocently in the middle of the room. Jack shoved him into the sleigh and right into the driver's seat, then straddled his lover's lap. Jack laughed, nipping Aster's nose playfully as he ground into Aster's hips. "Mnmm, babe, this is kinda hot…Imagine if a yeti, Sandy, Tooth, or even North walked in on this? Give them a little skin show, huh? Better than the internet~"

"Never took ya as one for exhibitionism." Snorted Aster, claws digging into Jack's hips. Jack purred, running his finger's through Aster's fur as he began thumping his foot, adjusting Jack so he was getting the sweet vibrations.

"Like you care." Snorted Jack with a little moan. "Oooh, that's good. Give them a good show, huh? Show off what you and make me do that they can't? Maybe rewrite the Karma-Sutra, right where North delivers his little toys?" Aster growled. Jack smirked, knowing just how hot he could get his boyfriend on dirty talk alone. He made a mental note to try role play as he peeled off his long blue, white and silver faux fur jacket, one North had made him when he became a Guardian that was almost a wintery replica of his own, revealing his own little sewing project underneath. A light blue mini-skirt with fake white fur on the trim rose with Jack's erection, not a scrap of fabric beneath but a lacy white garter high on his left thigh. A modified blue and white corset covered his stomach, the ribbon showing only patches up to the top, including his navel, added white sleeves baring his shoulders and barely covering his nipples, the fabric falling freely as his arms came loose from the jacket. A little blue and silver snowflake ribbon choker was tied around his neck, hiding the last, almost healed, love bite Aster had given him. Jack moaned as Aster nipped at his neck and shoulders, gasping in ecstasy as he left a new mark in a VERY visible spot on his throat.

"Thinking about that blow hard now?" snorted Aster. "Not gonna do mate." Jack gasped as Bunny unzipped the skirt, pulling the fabric off Jack's waist and throwing them down, thick fingers gently pushing in and out while his free paw lightly scraped at bare thighs.

"Oh MiM yes~" moaned Jack. "Every time you see the sleigh, all you're gonna think about is how you fucked me with your thick cock, made me cum until I pass out, filling me up with your yummy cum again and again."

"Yer not gonna be walking for days, mate."

"And North's never going to know." chuckled Jack. "Every time he drives the sleigh, he's going to be sitting where you fucked his little 'malchick' to oblivion and back."

"Randy little root rat, aren't ya?" Jack whimpered as Bunny added a second finger, nailing his prostate from plenty of practical practice. "And still tight as a virgin."

"Immortal virgin teen." Snorted Jack. "I died a virgin, no matter how many times you make me your slut, I'm still going to be tight. If I weren't my ass would be rubber from your cock."

"Other things ya could be stroking besides my ego Snowflake." Jack grinned, reaching down and taking both his and Aster's cocks in his hand, rubbing them painfully slow, rocking his hips into Aster's fingers as he added a third digit, adding extra friction. Jack looked down and frowned, eyes sparkling with mischief and arousal as he squeezed both their tips together. Aster shuddered, letting out a purring noise, teeth chattering lowly. Jack gave one last pump before slipping off Aster's lap and too his knees, one hand still pumping Aster's length.

"I think I'd rather be smoking something." Purred Jack, licking Aster's tip before sinking down, pumping with one hand and tongue swirling around Aster's tip. Aster felt the bubble of orgasm grow in his stomach, Jack moaning around his lover's cock as Aster fucked him from both ends.

"Bloody Hell Jacky." Moaned Aster, Jack removing his hand and deep-throating the Pooka until his face met fur, swallowing a few times before coming up for air. Aster didn't give him the chance to start again, pulling him back up and pulling his fingers out, Jack had done a damn good job of lubing up his cock, but Aster still grabbed the lube he had taken to carrying around since discovering innocent little Jack had a sex drive that could rival his own during rut and slathered it on Jack's quivering hole. Jack took Aster's cock, holding it right as he positioned himself, then sank down, moaning happily as he felt Aster fill him up. Aster held Jack's hips and began slow, gentle thrusting, Jack tugging gently on his fur as a moan punctuated each thrust, the sleigh rocking slightly.

"Bunny, I'm not glass." He panted. "What happened to fucking like bunnies?" Aster growled at the challenge and pulled out, shoving Jack back on the sleigh seats, flipping the switch to turn the stair like seats to a gentle incline. He slammed back in, feeling Jack wrap his legs around his hips as he screamed, back arching.

"Masochist." Teased Bunny, biting down on Jack's shoulders, Jack crying out with each stab to his prostate and the euphoric bites.

"Oh sweet fucking MiM!" squealed Jack, nails clawing down Aster's back. "OoOOHA-A-Ahhhh-ASTER! Ye-mnm-fu-right there!"Aster pulled Jack's legs from him, pressing them against his chest and sinking even deeper into Jack.

"Yer a-mnmm-yer a kinky little bastard, ya-ah-ya know that?" Jack nodded, gasping at the new position, holding his legs up. Jack captured Bunny in a deep kiss, tongues exploring each other's familiar caverns while Bunny slammed into Jack at near piston speed, saliva leaking from their mouths as both panted and moaned into the kiss. Jack pulled back, pushing Bunny back and twisting onto his hands and knees, held up by the incline, with Bunny still inside. Jack moaned at the feeling of Bunny's fur rubbing against his bare back, big paws trailing down his body, a hot tongue and sharp teeth tasting his flesh.

"Hurry up!" moaned Jack. "I'm gonna-"

"Shit!" hissed Aster, picking up speed as he felt a pulsing at the edges of his vision. Jack squealed, gouging five little lines into the wood as he neared blissful detonation. He could feel blood run down his legs, Aster's claws digging in and setting his nervous system on fire, melting the ice in his veins and setting the cold on fire.

Jack screamed, arching back until his head was level with Aster's, the Pooka biting down hard on his bruised shoulder as he came, both seeing what could only be described as heaven as waves of searing pleasure ripped trough their nerves, both lovers shaking and panting as they came off their high, completely spent and bodies numb, collapsed in a pile. Aster slid out of Jack, Jack whining as he cracked his eyes open. He sighed happily at the feeling of cum running out his ass and down his thighs, pooling on the wood of North's precious sleigh.

"Bloody Oath." Whistled Aster, licking Jack's face affectionately, Jack snuggling into the furry body.

"Oh, we're just getting started." Said Jack sleepily. "But first, snuggles." Aster snorted, smiling as Jack used his bicep as a pillow, grinning when Jack all but attached himself to his body.

"Damn I love the sleigh."

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North stared blankly as the sleigh. Something wasn't quite right…The thing was in one piece, and there wasn't a blemish to be seen. In all honesty, nothing was out of place.

Except for a scrap of blue fabric on his dashboard, white fuzzy trim on one side and a zipper down the back…and tiny enough to fit only one being with access to the sleigh.

"Hey North! What's with the look?" North turned to see Jack peeking into the garage, and could have sworn he saw familiar grey fur, but dismissed it. Aster wouldn't be caught dead near the sleigh if he could help it.

"Jack…do you know about little blue thing?" Jack froze, eyes widening as he noticed the blue miniskirt on the dashboard. Quickly he painted on a sheepish grin.

"I was wondering where that went!" he laughed nervously. "Well, um, you see, Easter was two weeks ago, and I had a surprise for Bunny, and hid it in here. You know how he gets. If he caught on he'd go on an epic crusade, so hiding it in the Warren was out, and Tooth…no, just no. Since nobody really comes in here often, I figured this would be the safest spot. It, uh, must have fallen when I left." North's belly stirred, the Cossack giving Jack an odd look.

"…I don't want to know." he sighed, tossing the skirt to Jack, who quickly stuffed it into his hoodie pocket. Jack thanked him and bolted out the door, North stroking his beard.

"Weird." He said, shrugging. He hopped in the sleigh and stopped.

What the Hell was this stain on the upholstery?

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Jamie sat on his bed, worriedly chewing on his lip. It had been a few weeks since Jack had interrupted him and Pippa, and both had been worriedly obsessing over Jack's unconfirmed plan of attack against North. Would he go through with it? Probably. Was the revenge what they thought it was? And if it was, how the Hell would Bunny react to it? Sophie glanced at him, playing anime on Netflixs via the family Wii, while she munched on popcorn, the latest script for her performing arts club production on the coffee table.

"What's got your panties in a twist?" she asked.

"Stuff you are too young to know about." He sighed.

"You mean Jack catching you and Pippa getting hot and heavy in the back seat of Mom and Dad's car?" Jamie almost spat out his coffee.

"You-you-you're eleven! How the Hell do you know about that?!"

"Jack was screwing with meteorologists last week and I got to chatting." Said Sophie. "So…Jack's not too bad of a cock block, huh?"

"You did NOT just say that!"

"I so did." Laughed Sophie. "On the plus side you helped cure Bunny's sleigh phobia."

"How so?" asked Jamie.

"Lets just say that North's going to be wondering why the upholstery keeps getting odd stains." Jamie gagged, choking on his coffee before catching his breath.

"What did Jack tell you?!" he yelped.

"He didn't." she said smiling. "Hickeys and a bit of the sleigh's paint under his nails, doesn't take a genius."

"My little sister has joined the dark side."

"Bro, I'm Queen of the dark side." She said, wriggling her eyebrows. "Join us. We have cookies."

Silence reigned for a few minutes before Sophie broke the silence.

"So…Jack Frost and the Easter Bunny boinked in Santa's sleigh…not a bad fanfiction idea…Do you think anyone else uses the sleigh like the back room in a strip club?"

"SOPHIE!"


End file.
